Any sort of illness, either physical or mental, can be hard to speak up about. It’s hard to spread your message without a fear of judgement, stigma and disapproval. Of course, this is hard with a physical illness, but in this case I have to say that people with mental disorders have it worse. The stigma around us is unreal, and our illness is in our heads, and affects our thought processes.
Every time I press publish on here, I’m filled with worry and regret. I worry about it not getting any readers. I worry about it getting too many readers, and me feeling too exposed. I can’t help but feel that I’m being watched by a scrutinising, callous public and that by doing this, I’m revealing myself and it won’t end well. It’s probably a good thing to face my fears of rejection, but it wouldn’t be healing if I actually did get rejected. This blog is mostly healing, but there is so much stress attached to it, like most things in life.
I’m not going to stop writing, nor am I going to become more vague in my posts. I really think I should do this, however hard I’m fighting myself to stop. Even though it triggers unnecessary anger and stress, I really really like writing. It feels validating somehow.